28 weeks

Hi Baby,

Well here we are, it's the third trimester, and I know you will be here in about the blink of an eye. Pregnancy insomnia is setting in (a little earlier this time), and I am growing quite large, but it's like I always say, "Go big or go home." Turns out I will do both, since I will be going to the city I grew up in to have you...I'll actually deliver you in the hospital that I was born in, and the hospital that contains my very first memory of meeting my brother Chris for the first time. I think it's so sweet that I will deliver you in the hospital that contains my first memory and my first breathtaking sight of my brother whom I love so much, and that this will likely be one of Harrison's first memories...meeting you!

I went to see Dr. Yang on Tuesday (which was my actual 28 week mark). It was the death by sugar appointment otherwise known as the glucose test. If I remember correctly, in America, I drank an orange fluid. Some people love it or hate it. I didn't think it was terrible, although it took me about 15 minutes to get down. In China the fluid was clear and WAY sweeter. I drank it more quickly though, because I knew the sooner I waited that hour, the sooner I could get my bloodwork over with. I HATE BLOODWORK! However, I thought I could drink water at the same time, so as I was in the waiting room after I drank the straight sugar, I sipped on a bottle of water. The nurse (Candy) ran up to me and said, "you MUST not drink this....GO, use the toilet immediately." Oh dear. So, I went on my punishment bathroom run...oops.

I saw the doc and we discovered that you are laying sideways in my belly. He said to me, "hmmmm, it appears the baby is transverse, do you get kicked a lot here?" And he pointed to my left side. I said yes, so he put the doppler on my right, and BOOM, there you were! Your little heart was beating at 136 per minute and it was a sound that I will never tire of! Then I went to get the dreaded blood taken. Your daddy has had a habit of coming with me to these appointments, but he stayed home this time as he had caught yet another throw-up bug while he was on a camping trip this past weekend. So, I had no hand to hold during this time. However, I will say I prefer getting my blood drawn in China over the States. Apparently I have delicate veins and it's hard to stick me with a needle. I have had nightmare appointments where I get stuck at least 6 times (no exaggeration), so I told the doctor this several months ago on a prior appointment where I needed the dreaded needle in my arm. He looked me up and down and said, "It will be no problem. You are not Chinese. Chinese people are very small and have very small veins. You are bigger than Chinese person. In America, maybe you have small veins, but here, no problem." I laughed to myself at his very kind way of telling me that I am not small here. However, he was right. It is no problem here for me, whereas it has been a problem since high school in America and involves lots of tears and anxiety. I sure wish I could pack that little chinese technician in my suitcase for the rest of my life's bloodwork.

The doctor called me that afternoon to inform me that my levels are fine and I don't have gestational diabetes! Woo hoo! I am a bit surprised as over the past 2 months I have consumed ungodly amounts of sugar, but I am so thankful. After sharing this news he did tell me to watch my weight, but no worries my child, it won't stop me from making you big and healthy! I look a lot bigger with you than I did with your brother, but I am gaining less weight (at least, so far) and his kind suggestions are a far cry from a very mean nurse I had during your brother's pregnancy who constantly told me I was just going to be fat if I didn't stop gaining weight (true story). Overall, I'm very thankful for you, no matter how big my belly gets. I'm constantly reminded by my rapid growth that you are coming soon, and I can't wait to meet you!

I'm thinking more and more that you might be another boy, but I'm not as sure as I was with Harrison, so I guess we will find out in July. Daddy and I are almost settled on names. I think we have a first name for you whether you are a boy or girl, but we are having trouble agreeing on a middle name. I can't wait to see which one you are and know what your name will be.

I have a picture but can't find the cord to download it to the computer. Love you little one!

More soon,
Mommy

3 years ago today

Was the day we lost Kevin, my sweet brother. I cannot believe that 3 years have passed since the day I heard of his death. As I was washing dishes last night I couldn't see through my own tears as I was remembering the call informing me of the huge loss of his life. I truly crumbled. I will never forget the grief that followed and that still washes over me today. The loss of his life is and was so big because he was so lovable and loving...one of the most tremendous people I have ever known.

jpg">

But, unfortunately, as many good and fun times that were had, there were an equal amount of sad and scary times on Kevin's behalf. Sadly, his life ended way too soon at the age of 23 as he lost a long battle with addiction while traveling in Laos. I still cannot believe he is gone. I think of him daily and miss him with each thought, and I cling to many memories...some of which I thought I would share.

On Thanksgiving Day, 1992 I met the cutest little boy and girl you ever did see. We went and saw Aladdin together at Akers Mill Theater. Little did I know that less than a year later they would become family. Shortly on, we were vacationing together and soon I was driving and it was my job to pick Kevin up from his Woodward bus stop at Gorin's almost daily. Fast forward through several years and we were road-tripping (just the 2 of us) to Virginia Tech to visit my brother and his future wife. Kev was always sending me funny hats for gifts because he knew I would wear them. Somewhere along the way, we became great friends. He could tell a story like no one I have ever known, and could imitate a character in almost every movie known to man. He had a bottomless pit for a stomach, and an insatiable appetite for pro-football. And he ALWAYS kept me laughing, and he stuck up for me during some really tough times. He became a true brother to me, Robin, and Chris.

He stood in all of our weddings, and gave the most eloquent toasts at each one. I watched him catch the garter at my sister's wedding (after he lunged for it), and I watched him stand as Best Man in my brother's wedding (pictured below). They were truly the best of friends from the beginning. I loved that my brother had a brother.

jpg">

I watched him fall in love himself with sweet Ashley (the blonde pictured above), and I watched him start a life on his own out west. The greatest gift he ever got me was just a t-shirt, and it was so precious to me because it was the first thing he ever bought for me with his own hard-earned money.

And then he travelled the world...specifically Asia, and here I am now, watching another year pass since we lost him. I am in the same country he was in the last time he emailed me. I am pregnant as I was when I learned of his death. It's all too familiar this time around and it's hard. I so wish he had made it home to meet Harrison and to meet his future nieces and nephews. I so wish that the last time I had hugged him, that I never would have let him go. I so wish for just a few more minutes with him that I will never get on this Earth.

But, I'm thankful. As hard as it is to have lost a family member at such a young age, I would not trade a minute of it if it meant missing knowing Kevin for those 15+ years. At his funeral so much of our time was spent laughing as we remembered his life. He loved so well and was so secure in other's love for him. I am sad that he will just be a name and memory to my children and that they will never have the joy of knowing him, but I am grateful that the tragic story of his death can be one that will teach them that none of us are invincible.

Shortly after his death, someone said that Kevin made the world so bright and now it's just not the same color anymore. 'Tis true. He added a vibrance to life that left us feeling not as bright after his loss, but thankfully he is shining brighter now than he ever did on this Earth as he is healed and whole now. He had a genuine faith that was as real as his struggles, and his faith is now his sight. If it weren't for this hope, the grief would be too much to bear, and for that I'm so grateful.

Thank you, Lord, for both the joy and pain that were Kevin's life and death. Thank you for making him my brother. I am so glad that I knew him for every second that I did.

Kev, I love you buddy, and I miss you everyday. See you soon.

Love,

Sissy

What a week (and it's only Tuesday)!

The mid-afternoon hour has held some surprises for us these last couple of days. First off, the last week or so has been really physical for me...lots of carrying kids, up and down stairs, little sleep, etc. So, I was tired for sure. Yesterday at about 3:30, I was in pain and thought I might be having some contractions. Afterward, I detected something that I should NOT re-name on the blog that happened to me right before I went into labor with Harrison. I freaked out and thought that labor was imminent. I called Brett in tears, who told me to call the doctor, who told me to come in. Then Brett rushed home and all 3 of us jumped in a cab and went. I was a mess the whole time having "gone there" in my mind. What if we have a preemie? In China? Where they don't do much to take care of premature babies?

However, "it" turned out to be just a fluke, a very disturbing and gross fluke, but a fluke nonetheless, and everything was fine. The doctor did not feel any contractions but said it would be normal if I did feel them with how busy my body has been. We heard the baby's heartbeat and I was so relieved. I told him I was sorry and he replied, "Why?" He is so kind and understanding, and told me to take it easy.

Having Harrison at the appointment was really sweet. When the doctor was checking my belly. H patted it too and said, "Mom, you okay?" Then he turned to the doctor as he was getting ready to put the doppler on my belly and said, "that not nice, you be nice to my mommy." After we left, my tears were tears of relief. Brett and I had scheduled a baby-sitter so we could grab a quick dinner. We decided to keep our date, but I did not have much time to get ready. So, as I was standing in the bathroom trying to de-nastify myself and put on some make-up, I said, "Brett, I'm sorry I won't look super cute for our date," to which Harrison replied, "Mommy, you look bee-ful." Such a sweet little man and he was so worried about me. Thankfully it was nothing.

But, today was another story. As I was re-filling the m&m jar for H's potty treats (and yes, I have an update on that), I took a few. As I was chewing, I thought, "Man, I got a hard m&m." It only took a few seconds to realize that it was not, in fact, the delicious m&m that I was dining on, but MY TOOTH. I broke my tooth on an m&m. Geez Louise.

Rewind to our time in Thailand...I went to the dentist and had to get a tooth worked on. They tried to work on it without novicaine(sp?) since I'm pregnant. About 30 seconds in, I was like, "you are crazy, please drug me." They gave me a very small amount. However, they also noticed that some of my back teeth were beginning to have cavities. Actually they said they were decaying, but I like the word 'cavity' better. They said to watch them and for sure get them checked out after the baby since I really could not get any more medicine injected into my gums.

So, today, I go to the dentist. Yes, a chinese dentist. Was I nervous? Slightly. I have had a recurring dream since I was about 12 that all my teeth fell out. I should not use the word dream, because it is truly a nightmare. That nightmare was reality today, and I am living in a foreign country, which intensifies the nightmare. (Insert bloodcurdling scream here). One time a couple years ago we were eating with Brett's sweet parents and his dad broke his front tooth on a fork. I remember having the thought, " I would just hate that."

Well, it happened. So, we go to the dentist, and she says, "oh, you're pregnant." I thought this could be an issue. Sure enough, it was. She could not give me "the injection" as she calls it. She checks out my poor broken tooth (molar, by the way) and says, "Lauren, it is very bad." Oh no. Like, bad as in, I need to have all my teeth removed? Like, bad as in, the cavity is under the gum, and you may need a root canal. (insert more screaming here). So, she cleans it out as best she can, but does not get all the decay and then caps it warning me that it might fall out (the cap, not the tooth, but I am not holding my breath, because I think I am on the verge of becoming toothless) and just to come back when it does. Oh dear.

So, she tells me if it stays in tact, then to get it fixed after the baby. Her exact words were, "once you have the baby, after you stop milking the baby, you can get the decay fixed." I had gauze in my mouth and really thought I was going to spit it out and die laughing at the term, "milking my baby", however, I think it is kind of catchy.

I told Brett that I fear that all of my teeth will fall out and that I will be in dentures before my next birthday which is a mere 2 months away.

Oh, the lengths we will go to for our children!

Pictures to come, and hopefully a less eventful rest of the week!

Monday

This past Monday, Brett left town. Before he scooted off to the capital city for meetings, Harrison and I met him for lunch. We had a dance party at lunch and then H decided to help his old man out with the luggage. He's a helpful little guy, and these videos may only be interesting to a select few, but I thought they were pretty cute (except for the whining at the beginning). Thankfully Brett comes home tonight and might only have to travel once more before we head to the States in 6 weeks. I'm SO excited!

**I'm having technical difficulties, so let me know if you cannot view the videos.

***Harrison got the worst haircut of his life last week, and unfortunately it's making its debut on these videos as well.

25 weeks

24 weeks

(do not let this picture deceive you...my belly may not look big, because I am the pregnant type that gains weight ALL OVER)

Dear Baby,

Tuesday marked 25 weeks pregnant with you, precious munchkin! I want to say how I can't believe how much time is flying by, which it is, but, at times it certainly seems so slow!

I will have to write another post on some of the happenings throughout your time in my womb, but for now I will just write of the past couple weeks.

Dooley Babe, I am so excited about you! I just cannot imagine who you will be and what you will look like and how much I will adore you. It's hard to believe that I will love anyone the same as I love your big brother, but I know I will. You are precious to me!

About 2 weeks ago I went to have the 'big' ultrasound for you. Little one, let me just tell you, I have stories for you about your prenatal care! I am seeing a doctor named Dr. Yang, and he is just fabulous. His English is impeccable and I am grateful to have great care here. But, child, this is the most forgetful man I have ever met on this planet.

First off, I have his personal cell phone number. I don't make an appointment a month in advance...I call the day before and he says, 'come on in'. EVERY time I see him (which has been about 4 times now), he says to me, "What are you in for today?" I think, "Ummm, I just called you yesterday." I tell him (this time) I'm here for the ultrasound. He says, "Did you have an appointment?" Ummmm, yes! "And what is your name?" "Do I have your file or do you?" I am not kidding, this doc thinks he is meeting me for the first time every time.

Well, he measures me and we hear your sweet little heartbeat (of 130 beats per minute) and he asks me if I have dreamed about what you might be...I say no, to which he replies, "a mother just knows. I think you will have the dream about the baby." I have also told him about 58 times that we do not want to find out what gender you are. At this, he looks at me as if I have 2 heads. You see, pumpkin, here in this country, expecting mothers are not allowed to find out the sex of their baby because the abortion rate is so high. To my understanding the abortion rate is high because there is a one child policy (for most people). Most of these families want that one child to be a boy. Here the children grow up to take care of their parents as in the parents live with them and the parents get a portion of each paycheck, and the parents actually raise the grandchild while the parent works. That reason, along with carrying on the family name are among why most want a boy. A lot of people, if they know they are having a girl, will abort or give her to an orphanage. Thus, the law of not being able to find out gender. However, since I am an American, I am allowed to find out and he thinks I am nuts by choosing the other way (as do many of our friends and family!)

So, onto your ultrasound...it was so fun to see you! You were being a little shy with your hands over your face...well, that was no problem for the nurse...she just shook my belly profusely to try and get you to move. You didn't budge. She shook and shook. The doctor finally says to me, "your baby is very shy....you must go take a walk to make it unshy." Giggling a little to myself, I walk around. I was told to do this for 10-15 minutes, but they kept taking other patients and 45 minutes later, I go back. Guess what? Your hands are still in front of your face....there is more shaking of the belly, and finally we see that precious face! You have the same chin and feet as your brother, but a little bit more of a defined nose. Daddy and I both felt like we were looking at another boy, but I guess we will find out this summer.

You were 659 grams (1.5 pounds) and 24-26 centimeters in length (which is about 10 inches,not including your legs). The Doc said your legs were very long because your dad and I were so tall. I am glad he noticed that we are tall. He actually thinks we are huge compared to his peeps, and he is not shy about telling me how much bigger I am than the average Chinese person.

Before we left, I asked Dr. Yang, "Were you able to see what our baby was"? He looked at me with a very grim and straight face and said, "Yes, but if you want to know, we will have to do the ultrasound again, because I WILL forget."

I told you he was forgetful.

And now I am 25 weeks and cannot believe you will soon be here. You have been a child that we have longed for and we pray for you daily. We will deliver you in Atlanta, but I have no doctor there, so we will have to figure that out pretty soon as well as where we will stay while we live there this summer. I am so excited about the summer and meeting you and eating all my favorite foods and taking your big brother to the park, blue skies, fountain drinks and so much more! It will be a sweet time, with the sweetest memory being you!!!

I love you,

Mommy

Never have I ever...

Loved my blog so much!!

A long time ago I met Rachel very briefly, and had no idea that years later I would come across her blog and that it would minister to my soul so much. As time went by, I saw more and more of her talent in blog design as well as Christmas cards and birth announcements, etc. I think we have several mutual friends, so I have gotten to be on the receiving end of lots of these fun, cute cards.

Well, I needed help BIG TIME making my blog look cute. I could not do it on my own no matter how hard I tried, so Rachel did it for me! It took no time at all once we started communicating about it. I literally just told her a few colors and patterns that I like and voila! She did the rest! She does not even know me, yet she picked exactly what I would have picked. I could not love it any more!

So, please check out her amazing talent here if you are as creatively defunct as me! And check out her personal blog as well...you will see an amazing story of God's provision of a beautiful family!!

Thanks, Rachel! I am so thrilled!

Seasons

A little over a week ago, a group of ladies from a church in Denver came to host a mini-women's retreat here in my city. Oh, how I loved it! I loved seeing people fresh from America, looking at their cute outfits and their enthusiasm for spending a short week overseas giving their time to the Lord. They were a precious bunch of 7 ladies spanning all life stages. They gave a few short sessions of talks to some of us who live here with the topic being "Seasons". I drank it up and wanted to share a few notes...

First off, they started with telling us that you can be any age to go through these seasons...it is not like a season of singleness or empty nesting, which are, of course, in themselves, seasons that pass quickly, but these are more seasons that relate to time of year and you can experience them at age 15 or age 85, whether single, young mom, or divorced grandmother.

Again, the seasons correlate with the seasons of the year. I loved the illustrations, and wanted to share and hope that, if you read this blog, that maybe it would help you look at what season you may be in right now or what seasons you have walked through in the past....

Warning: This will get really long!

SPRING::

• Season of peace and tranquility
• Season of routine responsibility--being in a rut
• Season of spiritual growth and planting
• Season of growing intimacy with God

Above are the characteristics of Springtime...Spring can feel like summer in the light and winter in the shade. It's a special time that God has set aside for us (as moms) to love and nurture our children that we will never get back, so take the time to grow deep roots in Spring so you can fall back on that foundation in hard times. Spring can look really routine and almost boring...you do the same thing a lot (which can happen with young, stay-at-home moms), but it's not overly good or bad, just very smooth. Again, it's a time we are not so distracted so we can spend time with the Lord to prepare for a busier season such as...

SUMMER::

• Season of opportunities
• Season of increased responsibilities
• Season of spiritual fruitfulness
• Season of busyness

Summer is when things heat up! Life gets busy, and busyness is what it is, embrace it, it won't last long. During Summer it's still SO important to spend time with God even when it's hard...it's essential. In busyness it's easy to focus on circumstances and situations instead of God's character.

The speaker reminded us of (if you read the Bible, you know this story well) the story of Mary and Martha in Luke 10. I am kind of a minority in that I'm more of a Mary...I'm not so much a do-er. Oh, I LOVE to do things that are fun, but not really things that are not fun, like clean my house...ha! Well, she reminded us that Jesus did not condemn Martha for her busyness, He just asked her to enjoy Him. It's not bad to be busy, it's just how we handle it.

Some things to guard during your busy season: your priorities, your motives, and your pride.

AUTUMN::

• Season of change
• Season of uneasiness/insecurity/uncertainty
• Season of new or unexpected challenges
• Season of temptation

Sometimes change is planned or unplanned, sometimes it doesn't go as planned, but the tighter we hold onto our expectations, the harder change will be. God is right in the middle of it, He is so not surprised by the big move, the extra baby, the pay cut, the adoption, or the divorce. When we are unsure, we are lacking confidence...why? because we are focusing on change instead of God. It can be a season of temptation to retreat from all the changes, to not face reality, to be tempted to panic and respond in your own strength. How do I be willing to be IN the change and let God harvest me??

God will reveal a diamond in a season of change when you come face-to-face with Him.

"Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God." --Corrie ten Boom

WINTER::

• Season of sorrow or grief
• Season of loneliness or isolation
• Season of letting go
• Season of brokenness

Winter is only a season...it doesn't last forever. In these hard times, choose God, stop self-pity, choose happiness, choose to renew your marriage. This sweet 79 year old widow who gave this portion of the talk shared of a wintertime in her life and said at one point she chose to make her husband laugh everyday...pure sweetness!

Trees look ugly in the winter. Winter preserves the strength of the tree (I think the sap goes down to the roots at this time to strengthen them??)...the tree can't find beauty again until it surrenders to the winter. There is a blessedness in Winter...and Spring is coming!

Pain hurts, but be real with God (and others). He can take it.

Renew relationships that have gone cold because we can hurt those we love during our winters.

Joy is predecated upon surrender.

There is so much more that these precious ladies shared from their lives that added so much more than just these few measly notes! I have definitely walked through all of these times in recent years for sure. This time in a different country has been a mixture of Autumn and Winter for me. There was so much change, only to find this be one of the loneliest seasons I've had in a long, long time. See, I was not one of those lonely new moms. I loved it because everyone was always coming over and I could easily tote the babe around with me to lunches and shopping. My loneliness as a young mom has really set in here on the other side of the world. I can't pick up the phone to call my best friends while I'm in the car, because a)I don't have a car, and b) all my friends are asleep when I want to call them. It has been a time of loss and sacrifice of giving up a home and routine (and weather) that I adored for a tiny apartment up lots of stairs with lots of dreary days, and while I'm really enjoying the girlfriends I'm making, it's hard to make couple friends with other people who have extremely busy lives. I would do it all over again...it's worth it...the pain, the tears, the lonely days, the feeling unknown and misunderstood. I know it will go by too quickly, and the memories I'm making are so fond, I can hardly describe them, but they have come at a cost. Doesn't everything?

And change is coming again! A whirlwind summer in the states along with a new baby. I am so excited, but a little hesitant. Will I be so weird now that I have lived overseas again for awhile? Will I be in touch with the culture? Will my dear friends have forgotten about me since I have been so out of sight and out of mind? Change has definitely defined the past year of our lives and will for the next coming year or two. I remember busy "summertimes" of traveling the world with my man and loving it! I remember the "springtime" of Harrison being born and lots of monotony but loving the routine...it was a nice break from busy. I think of lots of prior winters and falls with deep loss and massive change. But, again, I think that right now I am in a mix of those 2 latter seasons.

I fear this may have sounded preachy and that was not my intent. I am by no means an expert on the subject, but just loved the content matter so much that I wanted to share, mainly so that I could read back and remember it. I hope if you have read this far that part of what these ladies taught me could somewhat touch your heart and that God would meet you in whatever season you're in right now.

He's good like that.