Faith

20 years ago today, I first heard the story of Jesus' death on the cross for all of humanity. I had never heard it before. Even growing up in the South, I had only been inside of a church a handful of times, and I had not been exposed to any stories of Jesus' love, truth, or grace. If I'm honest, childhood was a rough go for me. But, I met the God who redeems early on a Spring day when I was 11.

So, on that day, March 21st, 1992, on a 6th grade spring retreat with the youth group at Northside United Methodist Church, when I heard that God was my Father, and that he loved me and accepted me EXACTLY how I was....so much so that he sent a savior, His own Son, to die for me...me? I reached out and grabbed it. Me? Really? He loved me? I wasn't too chubby or talkative or quiet or silly? He was my Father? Really?

And sometimes I still ask those questions, but I know that He did. He died for me and my heart that is more deceitful than even i know. He loves me more than I could ever dare dream. I'll never truly understand, but I suppose that is this faith that I confess...believing in what I cannot see and at times desperately don't understand.

So, I struggle to follow Him. And I fail miserably. But, He saved my life on that day. And I will spend every day of my life left on this Earth grateful for His incomparable sacrifice, through joy and pain, gain and loss, I will praise Him and follow Him to the ends of the Earth.

Blessed be the name of the Lord.

Tales from the Toilet...Revisited

Lest you think I forgot to update you on the potty training that started, oh, ONE YEAR ago, here is a little update on our little trainee...
What a precious boy I have...I love him so much...and this has been the hardest thing I have ever experienced since pushing him out almost 4 years ago...You may have read my previous post which I wrote last year and just posted. It talks about some of my feelings during the thick of training.

Warning:: Potty talk is going to be very prevalent in this post!

I would say now that Harrison is mostly potty trained. He doesn't wet his pants (well, sometimes if he's playing too hard and doesn't want to take a break), and he doesn't poop in his pants anymore. But, we still have a long road to go.

Potty training was never going to be easy with him. I should have known. I did know. Hindsight is 20/20 right? I hesitated to write on the blog because I knew it would just be a snidbit of the nightmare I was experiencing...well-meaning moms who had no idea what was going on would offer more advice. Don't get me wrong, I was asking for advice, but from people who were walking through it with me, not someone who just heard about my plight for the first time.

You see, when we moved to China, Harrison stopped eating and pooping. I see now that it was his coping mechanism with all the change...and yes, a 2 year old can control things...2 things...eating and poop. H would go 10 or 11 days without pooping. So, it was not necessarily the potty training that was the problem...it was his colon.

He got pee down after 7 weeks. He is so good at peeing in the potty, he really only has had a few accidents since then, and I can count on one hand how many times he has wet the bed. Rare. But, because we hated the enemas and he hated the potty, he would hold his poop. As I said in my previous post, we used Miralax, which is truly a miracle, but you have to pump them full of it and it does just make the poop fall out. So, we had a lot of poopy undies (he refused to wear diapers or pull-ups, remember?) But, as crazy as it was, I was grateful to clean poopy undies, because that meant he was pooping!

Over time, his body didn't recognize the cues of needing to go. His stomach would swell up like a little starving child. He wouldn't eat as much when he was full of poo, and his attitude would get worse and worse. He and I would both get worked up. During the summer, I let Brett take over and he did great. Harrison was sitting on the potty and pooping! Yet, then we would wait a few days (too long) and the fear of pain would creep back in.

We visited a pediatric gastro in Thailand and he was wonderful! He gave us some new medicine and a poop chart (which, yes, has diagrams of poop on it...Brett LOVES it!) And we are pumping him full of meds and trying to get him to eat well and drink lots. He now sits on the potty every day at least once (this has been since the beginning of December...this is HUGE...he actually agrees to go sit on the potty. No screaming, no kicking, no "I don't want you, Mommy!") And I do whatever he wants...I let him take a bag full of toys, I give him goldfish on the potty, etc...and he has been doing so good. The doctor said it would take about a year to teach his colon how to contract again and to shrink to normal size, but we have to be on him, so that he will not require surgery.

And he has done SO well! Actually, the past few days he has not gone, which makes me a little nervous, because as he gets backed up, the fear of pain creeps back in, and the fight gets stronger. I cannot tell you the number of days where he is sitting on the potty and I'm sitting on the floor and we are both sobbing...me holding his face in my hands telling him I love him so much, and him saying, "But, mommy, I'm scared...get it out, please get it out! I can't do it!" I can't tell you how many times we have spanked or given time outs for him getting off the potty...or how many times I have told him that he has to poop or else I will take him to the doctor and the doctor will have to take the poo poo out. I have also read him so many stories to keep him on the potty, sung to him, rapped to him (I mean, I DID go to North Atlanta high school--I've got soul!), danced for him, quoted scripture to him, etc. It has been so hard, and I know it's not over yet. Every time we do well, then he skips a few days and we are back at square one.

So many moms said to me when I started potty training and tried to share my woes, "Don't worry, he will not go to his senior prom in diapers." Well, DUH! If one more person says that to me, I will flip my lid. I know he won't wear a diaper when he's 18, but it was more than that...it was his will, and his body that was messed up. It has been a year, and it will be much longer. I would say he is trained, but he still doesn't tell us if he has to poo poo, and he still says he doesn't want to go potty.

As I write this, I'm crying a bit thinking of how awful our bathroom experience has been. I have been so embarrassed at times, I have thought I was a horrible mom, thought I had failed. I have thought that I did this to him, that I should have not let him go as long as he did...did I ruin his colon? I was so discouraged at times, and I am sure I will be in the future. There were days a year ago, that I would wake up and immediately start crying as I didn't know if I could handle one more day of the fight. Doesn't this sound ridiculous? Well, it was so, so real. And so, so hard. And it is a reality for us, and I know I can't go back and change things I did, so I have to do things differently now and trust that God will heal our sweet guy!

But, my little man is a tender warrior. He is so extremely sensitive, and although I fear at times that he will get walked all over, he has fight in him. He now tells me everyday, "Mommy, I won't hold it today." And if I ask him if he is scared, he says, "No mommy, God is with me." I ask him if it hurts, and he says, "No mommy, God is with me." I have had the joy of teaching him one or two verses through it all, and I pray he will remember that Brett and I sat on the floor of our nasty chinese bathroom and prayed for him, and I hope that this whole situation won't send him into the looney bin!

So, there you have it, a bit of an update on the bowels of my eldest. I am sorry if it was too much information, but you were fairly warned. Somehow, I have (almost) survived, and I hope that it only gets better from here. I remember a friend here telling me when I started potty training that it took her a year and I thought, "that will never happen to me." and here I am, a year later.

Never say never!

Tales from the Toilet...April, 2011

Oh, wait, you think I forgot?! Well, here is a post that I wrote from April 17th of last year...REALLY? I never finished it, because the potty training kept on going and going and going....but, I do have an update that I hope to post soon. There is so much more to the story than a little munchkin who was scared of the potty...but, below are some of my thoughts almost a year ago. It has been a long year, but moreso because our little man has done some damage to his colon....so, those of you out there who have not yet trespassed into potty training, please know that your time, however awful it may be, will be much easier than mine.

Enjoy my unfinished post of tales from the crypt...er, I mean toilet...


I know you all have been on the edge of your seat waiting on the update of the Potty Saga that has waged war here in Dooleytown. Oh, I've thought about checking in and letting y'all know how things were going, but I didn't quite know what to say as it has been honestly the most miserable experience of motherhood so far for me. But, thankfully the potty fairy heard of my plight and had pity on my poor potty training soul...but, more on that in a minute.

Back up to 8 weeks ago...Yes, 8 weeks ago when I started this process. If you'll recall, I was using a method called 3 Day Potty Training, and I truly would/do recommend it, but I just did so many things wrong, like...

• Starting to potty train my child while he had a fever...Strike 1

• Attempting Potty Training after the trainee had endured months of enemas. I should have gotten to the bottom of the pooping predicament first.

• Should have started the training a lot earlier, or a lot later...I'm still not sure which.

And these are just a few of the mistakes I made. The first 2 weeks Brett was out of town and I was keeping another toddler as well....although fun, not smart for a tired pregnant potty trainer (aka: "Harrison's worst nightmare")

After day 3 or 4, I realized we had a power struggle on our hands and I actually signed up for a "potty mentor"....Please laugh, because I still get a chuckle out of this myself. However, this sweet lady would ALWAYS email me back within 24 hours or less. About a month in, I told her I was ready to throw in the towel. She told me that mother knows best and that if I needed a break that was fine, but for whatever reason, I decided to keep going. During those first 4 weeks once my sweet neighborhood friends saw that I was not having success, they all encouraged me to stop and go back to diapers. In my heart I really thought this would confuse H as he has had so many bathroom woes these past 9 months. So, I stubbornly kept up the fight.

And it really was a fight....It's hard to accurately put into words on this blog, and honestly, I probably didn't write much about it because I was so discouraged. I have mentioned it is the hardest thing I've endured in motherhood so far (well, it rivals an almost-fatal ruptured appendix and having to be away from my new baby for a week). But, also, I really questioned myself as a mother...now, you veteran moms out there are chuckling thinking, "gosh, it wasn't that bad." OR, "PREACH it sista, it was so impossible!", while you trainers-to-be are either dreading it or thinking it may not be so bad. Well, for you, I really don't think it will be. I don't think it's fun for anyone, but for some odd reason, my sweet little man turned into a monster, which really was hard on me.

He got to the point where he would only pee once a day because he a) did not want to pee in his pants and b) did not want to pee in the toilet. It was really a vicious cycle. If I tried to carry him to the bathroom I would get hit, kicked, etc...not to mention, he's really heavy!

About a month in, when I was ready to give up, we also took him to the doctor re: his constipation issues. We got the same advice: enemas every 3 days. I just thought isn't there something else I can do? Well, in the meantime, my sweet friend Melinda recommended Miralax and you bet I got my sister to send me some ASAP. It truly is a miracle. I wish I had known about it in September. Pooping issues solved, but fear of potty is ingrained.

So, why didn't you go back to diapers, Lauren? I thought you might ask this question, Reader. Well, I tried. But, I couldn't get the diaper on the little devil, and I do mean devil. I tried pull-ups, but he wanted his undies on! He knew too much and there was no going back even if I tried. Lots of tears came when I saw him holding his pee desperately. He was in so much pain and it was so, so hard on me. We were literally praying all the time that God would remove his fear. I really just started hoping he would be potty trained by age 4!

He finally would start peeing on the floor if I could get his pants down, and only once a day was not a big deal as far as clean up goes. I really started praying for accidents. Who does that? What crazy mom actually WANTS their child to pee in their pants more than once a day. Me...

But, then 7 weeks in, when we were out at the countryside, and I could tell he needed to go, and I didn't want him to pee all over our friend's car on the way back, I took him outside (because there was NO bathroom) pulled down his pants and he went!!!

But then I created a peeing outside monster! (which, honestly, is okay here in China)...

6 & 7 months

Blythe turned 6 months in Thailand!! Here are some highlights from month 6:

::1st girls trip to Beijing! We shopped til we dropped! It was a little tough on Mommy, but you were a champ! ::Dec. 18th: rolled from back to front ::Dec 30th: started babbling and audibly saying "dada" and "baba" (which is actually the chinese word for 'daddy') :: January 1: travelled to your third country-Thailand! ::Jan 4: dropped dreamfeed (again) sleeping great (again)! ::Jan 6: Saw a white spot on the gum (but still no sign of a tooth popping through), TEETHING ::Jan 9: Slept on tummy for first time Jan 7: said "mama" ::Rode in umbrella stroller for first time ::Sat in first high chair ::first Christmas ::6-12 month clothes ::Precious

And she turned 7 months in Chongqing! Here are some 7 month highlights!

Above is a classic Blythie face

::grabbing feet A LOT (will you be a gymnast?) ::first mosquito bites (sad) :: 6 month shots ::stats: 8.1 kg (just under 18 pounds) and 68 cm (26 3/4 inches) ::rolling all over the place Feb8: started traveling by way of rolling...I had just mentioned to a friend that she was rolling but hadn't figured out how to travel yet, and then my friend Ashlei said, "ummm, she looks like she's traveling pretty good to me!" Doh! ::Yet, ANOTHER cold! ::Went to Li Jiang, and Chongqing, Chiang Mai and Bangkok :: Has been on 10 airplanes total ::LAUGHING!!

:: Started rice cereal on Jan 25 (a little late) Eating great!! Still nursing great :: 2-3 naps a day

I know there are so many more milestones to add to the list. Blythe is such a gift to our family. When I was pregnant, one of Brett's everyday prayers was "God, please let us just know this baby," as we knew anything could happen at anytime. Our prayer is still to know her well and to know her heart. Thank you, Lord for letting us know and love on this precious girl. She adds so much to our little family. Bring on month 8!!

Prayers

One of my dearest friends here (Becca) had to suddenly fly back to America the other day because her little sister's husband died from an epileptic seizure. Please pray for Kelly as she lost her husband. She has 2 girls who are 1 and 3. So, so devastating.

Thanks for praying for my sweet friend and her dear family.

More to come...

That's right, folks, it's Harrison here...Long time, no write! We were in Thailand for a few weeks, but I convinced Mom to take a few pictures of me and Sissy so that she could tell y'all some fun stories when she has a minute. We are just 2 peas in a pod! I know you're on the edge of your seat. Stay there for more from the Dooley Diaries!

Merry Christmas, Y'all!!

Love, Us